This is personal and I debated whether I'd write about this or not. I don't want people to think badly of me (ok, some of you I could care less what you think...), but no one wants to be the weirdo in the group.
Here goes - I've had this issue since I was a kid. I'm not sure how it developed, but here I am at 40 dealing with it still and it has intensified.
This morning a mosquito somehow made its way all the way upstairs to our office. Said mosquito found Sarah to be an excellent source of warm blood and proceeded to bite the hell outta her ALL morning.
I was distressed for Sarah, but more distressed that said mosquito could tire of Sarah's type A blood at any moment - which by lunch time it had and said mosquito fluttered its little ass over to my side of the office. Shit!!!!
In case I haven't said this to you - I HATE mosquitoes with a passion hard to match. I hate, hate, hate them and it freaks me out that they bite multiple people AND can give you encephalitis. No matter what else is going on, if a mosquito is in the room with me I can ONLY focus on the mosquito and the mosquito only.
Yeah, I know some men think women are chicken shits when it comes to snakes, insects, bats, knife wielding bandits, but I'm not one of those women. I like all of the above, well not bandits so much. (Note: I have yet to encounter any bandits, knife wielding or otherwise. Stalkers yes, bandits no.)
Anyhow, back to the mosquito. I loose my shit when a mosquito is in the room. I can no longer focus like a rational adult - all I can focus on is that effn mosquito and KILLING it. My brain can't even pretend to pay attention to what you or anyone else is saying - it is like the mosquito and I sync frequencies. It hunts me and I hunt it while shivering in disgust.
So when Miss Mosquito tired of Sarah's tasty blood and came over to my side I had to put my foot down. It has been raining since I woke today and I don't care how wet it is or that the parking garage is five blocks away. I went and retrieved the bottle of OFF in my jeep. There's only so much I can handle. There will be no tasting of my B+ today.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Olive Branches
Last night, feeling high on not having a class to attend and sipping a cocktail, I realized I needed to act like I'd want to be treated. In other words I asked myself if I wanted to be an ass or an adult. Being adult comes at a high cost sometimes - you can't blame it on inexperience or youth when you totally eff something up. Well, I guess you can but that is a lame excuse and at this point only the very immature and selfish still make lame excuses for their behavior at my age.
Hold on, let me come back from my tangent.
Anyway, I was literally high from NOT have a class to attend and the cocktail sent me over the edge. While some people drunk dial, I drunk email or blog or paint my place. With second drink in hand I emailed the guy from my earlier post. I sent him a very, very adult email - so adult that when I sobered up I thought, "Who wrote that?!"
The email basically said that we were both adults and regardless of his specific interest in me or not, I'd like to be friends. I also apologized for seeing him last week and pretending I didn't see him like some 14 year old with braces. (I got my braces off last month.)
I expected him to write back and we'd start the friendly banter that occurs between two new friends, but no. He hasn't written back and while I'd love to hear from him I am okay if he doesn't respond.
I hope he realized though that I really would like to be friends. I am still hoping to hear from him so I'll blab about whatever happens.
Update:
Well, it has been two days since I sent my electronic olive branch and there's been no response. I'm assuming my olive branch was smothered in lighter fluid and set on fire. Whoosh!
I'm fine and I'm proud that I did what I thought was the right thing. And honestly, there weren't any 'other' motives at play - I just wanted not to be a bitchy child. I wish him the best.
Hold on, let me come back from my tangent.
Anyway, I was literally high from NOT have a class to attend and the cocktail sent me over the edge. While some people drunk dial, I drunk email or blog or paint my place. With second drink in hand I emailed the guy from my earlier post. I sent him a very, very adult email - so adult that when I sobered up I thought, "Who wrote that?!"
The email basically said that we were both adults and regardless of his specific interest in me or not, I'd like to be friends. I also apologized for seeing him last week and pretending I didn't see him like some 14 year old with braces. (I got my braces off last month.)
I expected him to write back and we'd start the friendly banter that occurs between two new friends, but no. He hasn't written back and while I'd love to hear from him I am okay if he doesn't respond.
I hope he realized though that I really would like to be friends. I am still hoping to hear from him so I'll blab about whatever happens.
Update:
Well, it has been two days since I sent my electronic olive branch and there's been no response. I'm assuming my olive branch was smothered in lighter fluid and set on fire. Whoosh!
I'm fine and I'm proud that I did what I thought was the right thing. And honestly, there weren't any 'other' motives at play - I just wanted not to be a bitchy child. I wish him the best.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Now what
Now what is what I'm asking myself after running into someone who I am sure was waiting for me to exit work.
This Tuesday Sarah and I exited the building at 5pm laughing hysterically at the events of the day which included superheroes. Yep, superheros. We were having a great time and walked out into the sun expecting to have a normal walk to the garage.
Instead I noticed waiting on the steps of a building across the streets - a man. Now, there were other men walking and sitting at the same building, but this one was clearly waiting for someone or something.
This one stood out because he politely stepped all over my heart a few months ago...after having pursued me for months. (He denied this and suggested that I'd been mistaken, but that he regretted that I'd gotten the wrong idea.)
It went like this: I go to lunch and a guy keeps 'appearing' where I am. I walk to my office and the same guy just happens to walk in front of me, very, very close. Once he's in front of me he stops and looks me right in the face. There are no other women with me sometimes and sometimes I'm with Sarah. She notices this behavior too.
One time Sarah and I are coming from lunch and he literally jumps from behind a truck to face me and then walk in front of me. It scared the shite outta me at first, but I realized he'd been watching us come and go, and probably for some time. Ok, this is a bit weird but I'm open to the fact that not everyone is comfortable socially. I also know that it takes guts to just walk up to a woman and introduce yourself. I get it, meeting someone is hard...can you tell I'm a Psychology major?
Because I've not dated in a while (and I can't figure men out dating-wise) I don't assume this behavior, no matter how odd, is directed at me. Until. Until this goes on for months and months and months. I realize that maybe he's just socially awkward - not everyone is a social butterfly.
He's not unattractive, a bit awkward, but not a bad looking guy. I hear him say his name and do some reasearch on him.
After more months I acknowledge him and he responds positively until he sees me...
Any woman reading this can figure out what that felt like including complete confusion since he'd seen me - remember he likes to step in front of me. This guy wants me to notice him clearly, but when I respond he tells me he's seeing someone. Ouch! Luckily I was going on vacation for two weeks the next day. I was really grateful that I had a vacation planned since I often ran into this man.
And here we are months later and I've moved on and take a new way to lunch etc, but feel better after that whole incident. I've blocked it out until I come out of the building and there he is after all these months. He makes eye contact and I look away only to find he's walked right in front of me again. I'm horrified and almost in slow motion he turns completely around to face us - I turn my head. We've done this before and it didn't end well the first time. I keep looking in another direction and he goes to the turtle pond - Sarah looked, I couldn't risk him watching and seeing me look.
This totally changes how I feel entering or exiting work. No, I don't think he is a bad person and I'm not afraid. It just makes me feel a bit weird.
After thinking about it a few days, I guess he's just painfully shy. I'm just guessing about that, but I think he's very shy. If he tries to approach me again I'll talk to him - really, how would I want someone to treat me if I were him?
This Tuesday Sarah and I exited the building at 5pm laughing hysterically at the events of the day which included superheroes. Yep, superheros. We were having a great time and walked out into the sun expecting to have a normal walk to the garage.
Instead I noticed waiting on the steps of a building across the streets - a man. Now, there were other men walking and sitting at the same building, but this one was clearly waiting for someone or something.
This one stood out because he politely stepped all over my heart a few months ago...after having pursued me for months. (He denied this and suggested that I'd been mistaken, but that he regretted that I'd gotten the wrong idea.)
It went like this: I go to lunch and a guy keeps 'appearing' where I am. I walk to my office and the same guy just happens to walk in front of me, very, very close. Once he's in front of me he stops and looks me right in the face. There are no other women with me sometimes and sometimes I'm with Sarah. She notices this behavior too.
One time Sarah and I are coming from lunch and he literally jumps from behind a truck to face me and then walk in front of me. It scared the shite outta me at first, but I realized he'd been watching us come and go, and probably for some time. Ok, this is a bit weird but I'm open to the fact that not everyone is comfortable socially. I also know that it takes guts to just walk up to a woman and introduce yourself. I get it, meeting someone is hard...can you tell I'm a Psychology major?
Because I've not dated in a while (and I can't figure men out dating-wise) I don't assume this behavior, no matter how odd, is directed at me. Until. Until this goes on for months and months and months. I realize that maybe he's just socially awkward - not everyone is a social butterfly.
He's not unattractive, a bit awkward, but not a bad looking guy. I hear him say his name and do some reasearch on him.
After more months I acknowledge him and he responds positively until he sees me...
Any woman reading this can figure out what that felt like including complete confusion since he'd seen me - remember he likes to step in front of me. This guy wants me to notice him clearly, but when I respond he tells me he's seeing someone. Ouch! Luckily I was going on vacation for two weeks the next day. I was really grateful that I had a vacation planned since I often ran into this man.
And here we are months later and I've moved on and take a new way to lunch etc, but feel better after that whole incident. I've blocked it out until I come out of the building and there he is after all these months. He makes eye contact and I look away only to find he's walked right in front of me again. I'm horrified and almost in slow motion he turns completely around to face us - I turn my head. We've done this before and it didn't end well the first time. I keep looking in another direction and he goes to the turtle pond - Sarah looked, I couldn't risk him watching and seeing me look.
This totally changes how I feel entering or exiting work. No, I don't think he is a bad person and I'm not afraid. It just makes me feel a bit weird.
After thinking about it a few days, I guess he's just painfully shy. I'm just guessing about that, but I think he's very shy. If he tries to approach me again I'll talk to him - really, how would I want someone to treat me if I were him?
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