Friends

I bought my first home two years ago. It is a loft which I've always wanted; a place that I can make changes as I please. A place to call mine.

With my new place came lots of new people and adventures. I developed close relationships with many and we've done a lot of things together. We share meals, movies, parties, outside friends, life events, keys to each other's units and problems. But I feel disconnected lately. I suppose
the honeymoon ends for everyone.

Since June 8th, I've lost 6 people in my life. Some of them I've known all of my life or all of theirs. Others I'd know for at least 20 years. Thats a lot of people to loose in such a short time and I'm coping with it. I have to, what is my other choice?
I have to go on because these people can't - it is true, you feel like your world stops, all sounds, actions, thoughts - but the world continues on and on and on.

So I continue on because I can't stop living even though I miss them deeply and my life won't ever be the same; I have to keep moving forward. I also have to keep in mind that when you love someone, the physical isn't what you love because the physical isn't lasting.

In moving on in the world, I've started to examine some of my friendships with neighbors. The honeymoon is over.
I realize I don't want some of the friendships anymore. I had to examine this and make sure I wasn't just pushing people away, I can do that having grown up an only child. You learn to do and be and live on your own, in your own world. I have to admit that perhaps I am pushing away just a touch, but overall these relationships aren't what I want for my life.
I am not perfect. I know that. But I don't want to waste time and energy on people that are flaky or flighty or all the qualities that I don't want in my life.

There are too many details and incidents that lead to this decision, but I'm clear now.
I am ready to limit my friendships. I also have to admit that I think (notice I said "I think"), I'm ready for a serious relationship now.

I suppose loss makes us want to connect in ways that matter with people that matter.